The Promise- Tracy Chapman

Your finger tips press against my skin
just hard enough for my mind to take this a different direction.
This horrible decision was worth making because of that response.
Timing can be so cruel
if I could have cut that moment out and pasted it years before
I’d be shedding more smiles than tears.

Let Go- Frou Frou

So you’ll fuck me
and I’ll fuck with your head
but that’s what we’ve always done best
So why fucking stop now

lies lies lies

we’ll do whatever it takes
to satisfy this fucking need
to fuck, to be fucked, and to fucking mess it up.

??

Lines from Journal 2003-2006

 

But…He cried

I mean he really cried this time. He didn’t get out of bed for days. He literally got on his hands and knees and begged for me. He said he would change. He really means it this time; I could see it in his eyes. He even bought me flowers, made me dinner, and told me he loved me. He is really trying. He said he didn’t want to lose me. He said he was just ‘joking’ with the text messages. He didn’t really mean it. Look at all of the poems he wrote for me. He loves me.  

________________________________________________

 

I might be out of place

But woman to woman

Lets be honest..

The poems will only last so long.

Trust me I have a box full of them.

After you get over the shock of tears falling from his face

You will realize they’re only as real as his promises.

Why do I even feel the need to reach out to you?

You have seen first hand him treating someone else the same way.

The secret letters, comments, and texts.

I mean, after all- you were the one receiving them.

 

But despite all the pain and anger this has caused me.

You should know..

There is life after him.

Out From Under- Britney Spears

Can we fall apart now?

I hope we fall…just like we fell..

If only it would happen that quickly

 

It’s getting easier

My heart didn’t race when I received your text

With every word I read about ‘them’

A little part of me drifts further away

Another piece of my heart goes to her

Soon she’ll have it all.

 

It’s almost been a year since we met

I can remember it so vividly

It’s as if I’m looking down on us

You walked through the kitchen door

I was standing by the sink

My eyes followed your every move

I envied you.

 

You were fighting with her that night

But back then she was just a name

There were no feelings of hatred when she was mentioned

You think by now you would have moved on

You’re so intelligent

But when it comes to her

It’s as if your plan fails every time.

 

Trust me; I know how hard it can be

Trying to fight that feeling…

When her fingertips softly touch your leg

Holding hands while making your way through a crowded room

Sitting at the beach lit only by the moon

 

I hope this time is different

I hope you realize who she really is

Because you’re worth so much more…

Should’ve Said No- Taylor Swift

Here she goes

Calling me beautiful

Words I never thought I would hear from her again

If I were her age

I would fall for this

She always knew what to say

How to suck me back in

I’m not going

She doesn’t mean it

Because she’s still with her

Telling her the same things

I’ll just get fooled again

Keep repeating.. keep repeating

Don’t fall

You can do this.

6/23/08

I’ve known her for 4 months, when i sit down to write about her- the page fills quickly.
But when i sit down to write about you, someone I’ve known for 7 years- i cant find the words.
Maybe its because you have never caused me pain.
Or.. because i know we cant put into words what we share..
Or the impact you have had on me.
I would be so lost without you.
You keep me grounded.
I am the ‘younger sister’
The one making all the mistakes.
The one doing the body shots.
The alcoholic and drug abuser
The 5 year college student
The 23 year old that is still financially dependent on her parents.
I am not you, the person i aspire to be.
The ‘older sister’
Your parents are okay with ‘it’
You’re the stable one
The college graduate
The one that makes all the right decisions.

While your road is paved
Mine is still under construction..with workers not even present.
But i know you’ll be there for me every step of the way.

6/17/08

Will i ever forget the touch of her lips against my neck?
The way she moaned.. her sigh…
As i lay here and close my eyes all i can see is her body over mine.. so perfect.
At times i wish i could be like her..
How great it must feel- to be with women- never attaching.. never hurting.

I want to hear her voice.
I want to argue with her.
I want to scream at her.
I want to cry.

But she wouldn’t care enough to:
Argue back.
scream.
or even cry over me..

For the best?

I had been here 4 years before with him…
A warm body over mine
The sound of waves crashing
The feel of the sand brought back memories I had tried so hard to forget.
-Oddly enough I was only 19

But this time it was different
Her affection amazed me
It’s as if we were lovers
Her gentle kiss and the smile she gave as she looked into my eyes made my heart race.
-He never had that power.

We took our time
Kissing every part of each other
As I close my eyes, I can still picture my hands making their way down to grip her hips.
She let out a moan and kissed my neck.
-An instant pleasure for me

Except that didn’t happen…….
We just laid there, awkwardly
Not even close enough to touch
Too afraid to make a move- for fear of rejection.
It crossed my mind every second.

Wait a minute….
There was no beach.
No kissing, holding or touching
No awkward moments
I will never know the fantasy she spoke of that one night.

Maybe it’s for the best.
I guess there really is no turning back.
Memories will haunt me
But she’s moved on, so now I must.