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So you’ll fuck me
and I’ll fuck with your head
but that’s what we’ve always done best
So why fucking stop now

lies lies lies

we’ll do whatever it takes
to satisfy this fucking need
to fuck, to be fucked, and to fucking mess it up.

I would have told her to stop
if she made the move, she never made

but not right away, I would have let our lips touch just long enough
for it to be called anything but a decent kiss

and when she would ask why
in a seductive –I don’t want to stop- kind of way
I would have told her…
it’s just another memory to think of
on the lonely highways back home
and we’ve made enough of those
so lets leave well enough alone..

I’m just the thrill of the chase

and you’re just the thrill of a kiss

so take your lost self and get far, far away

away from my head.. away from my heart

run as fast as you can.. before I catch up

…out of breath and wordless yet again

So we’ll drink, playing it off as a typical Friday night out

We’ll throw back a few more than usual, hoping it lasts long into the night.

Our nervous bodies will soon dissipate

As I kiss everywhere but your lips

Trying not to smile as they make their way down your body

I’ll wait on your sighs to tell me its okay

To take this further

There won’t be any sleeping tonight

This has been years in the making.

We’ll pick up the pieces in the morning

Or maybe we’ll just leave them on the sheets

That way, we don’t have to make sense of this.

If you want me
push me up against the wall
and kiss me
I’ll guide your hands where i want them to go

If you want me
give me inviting looks
let your eyes seduce me
and let your lips
leave their mark
above my chest

Her body is on top of mine, once again

But this time, it isn’t some late night fantasy

We latch on- mirroring the life saving device our very first night.

Our breaths sing a sweet lullaby as we hold each other tight

Our lips are soon inches apart, torture at its finest.

My hands are wandering; they’re out of my control

My finger tips caress her skin and a rush overcomes every part of my body.

Our lips meet and our tongues soon touch.

A sweet taste I thought was gone forever

As I lay her head on the pillow and begin to kiss her naked body

I realize it must stop here

Any further and hearts will get attached

Glimpses into our late night fantasies

Only makes our desires stronger

We’re both ready

For another chance

Another long night

Filled with back arching moans

Alcohol will play a part

No broken hearts

No feelings

Lets leave this in the bedroom.

Too many people will get hurt by our actions

Neither of us wants that

Hopefully we’ll be able to stop at one night

One time only

But for some reason- I’ll bet against it.

I hate you

For giving me hope that we could make my mothers fairytale lifestyle come true

I hate you

For betraying me for so many years.

I hate you

For saying ‘I love you’ too late.

I hate you

Because when I lost you, I also lost your/my family.

I loved you.

 

I hate you

For choosing her so many times.

I hate you

For making memories with me.

I hate you

For never going away.

I hate you

Because I was never enough

I loved you.

 

I hate

That you weren’t my first true love

I hate

That you weren’t my first sexually

I hate

that they took all of this away from us.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love the idea of liking you forever.

But it hurts… to remind myself… that I’ll never be able to replace liking with loving.

It’s probably best if we don’t.

But I know

When all I feel your touch.

And all I see your smile.

I’ll forget

The pain I will soon feel in the morning.

When I lean over to kiss your body.

And realize that you’re still not mine.

I wish we could press the pause button

So that one day.. we’ll be able to press play.

I wish I could fast-forward, to see how we end.

Will we break the rules?

Or just bend them slightly.

This is what you wanted

But at one point, you wanted me too.

If you don’t jump to conclusions

I won’t try to find reasons to hate you.

I’m not sure this will work.

But for now, I’ll just press rewind

So that I can reminisce- over the last 6 months.

……I’m sure I still have an afterglow……