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I heard you that night,
when you whispered my name and waited for some type of response.
I was so lost in the illusion of ‘love’
that my heart wouldn’t let my voice whisper back.
We laid still that night,
when we should have opened our hearts.
This damn illusion of ‘love’ lasting forever
stopped any kind of..I love yous.. from leaving this broken heart.
I would have told her to stop
if she made the move, she never made
but not right away, I would have let our lips touch just long enough
for it to be called anything but a decent kiss
and when she would ask why
in a seductive –I don’t want to stop- kind of way
I would have told her…
it’s just another memory to think of
on the lonely highways back home
and we’ve made enough of those
so lets leave well enough alone..
This is about the time
I slam on the breaks
And put this heart in reverse.
But the rhythm is off anyway
So I’ll ignore it and set the cruise
what’s a few more empty miles
I’m just the thrill of the chase
and you’re just the thrill of a kiss
so take your lost self and get far, far away
away from my head.. away from my heart
run as fast as you can.. before I catch up
…out of breath and wordless yet again
The sound of her voice changed as she spoke that two syllable word
All I could do was shake my head.
You see, my heart isn’t ready to let her go
I’m not ready to face struggles in life without her
She can’t walk with you just yet- I’m still needing that hand.
So give me a turn, let it pour on me for awhile
She’s been through enough already.
I’m tired of your fake lines
I dont need to know how good my skin feels against yours
I’m tired of your new outlook on life
It’s beyond hypocritical
Your eyes seemed so cold and empty as you spoke of my faults.
But your words didnt hurt as much as the look in your eye
You banned me from leaving my scent on your sheets
So i left my tears on your pillow
and with memories i’d rather forget…
As your tires hit the gravel road and the stars got brighter
My past regrets started to invade
If feelings could move in reverse
It would have been the perfect night
We sat and shared a mutual love
Washing it down with the exact substance that got us into this situation.
Refills were made and we talked as if we were lovers.
Like they never put a stop to us and rules were never made
I’m not sure if I like the new us
I look forward to the day
I can look at you and not get lost in your body
But for now, I’ll let these marks fade
As I curse my past mistakes.
I hate you
For giving me hope that we could make my mothers fairytale lifestyle come true
I hate you
For betraying me for so many years.
I hate you
For saying ‘I love you’ too late.
I hate you
Because when I lost you, I also lost your/my family.
I loved you.
I hate you
For choosing her so many times.
I hate you
For making memories with me.
I hate you
For never going away.
I hate you
Because I was never enough
I loved you.
I hate
That you weren’t my first true love
I hate
That you weren’t my first sexually
I hate
that they took all of this away from us.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Can we fall apart now?
I hope we fall…just like we fell..
If only it would happen that quickly
It’s getting easier
My heart didn’t race when I received your text
With every word I read about ‘them’
A little part of me drifts further away
Another piece of my heart goes to her
Soon she’ll have it all.
It’s almost been a year since we met
I can remember it so vividly
It’s as if I’m looking down on us
You walked through the kitchen door
I was standing by the sink
My eyes followed your every move
I envied you.
You were fighting with her that night
But back then she was just a name
There were no feelings of hatred when she was mentioned
You think by now you would have moved on
You’re so intelligent
But when it comes to her
It’s as if your plan fails every time.
Trust me; I know how hard it can be
Trying to fight that feeling…
When her fingertips softly touch your leg
Holding hands while making your way through a crowded room
Sitting at the beach lit only by the moon
I hope this time is different
I hope you realize who she really is
Because you’re worth so much more…
The truth is…
If you said goodbye, it would break me
The truth is…
I feel so much like him right now, that it makes me sick
I guess now I understand a feeling I never thought I would
The truth is…
I’m too far in to get out now.
I don’t know how you did it to her
I hope you’ll be my only regret when I die.
The truth is…
We’ll never know what could have been
We’ll always look back and wonder
I hate playing you hollow
but at the same time.. I love it.
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