No Other Love- Heart

I heard you that night,
when you whispered my name and waited for some type of response.
I was so lost in the illusion of ‘love’
that my heart wouldn’t let my voice whisper back.

We laid still that night,
when we should have opened our hearts.
This damn illusion of ‘love’ lasting forever
stopped any kind of..I love yous.. from leaving this broken heart.

Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy

I would have told her to stop
if she made the move, she never made

but not right away, I would have let our lips touch just long enough
for it to be called anything but a decent kiss

and when she would ask why
in a seductive –I don’t want to stop- kind of way
I would have told her…
it’s just another memory to think of
on the lonely highways back home
and we’ve made enough of those
so lets leave well enough alone..

Mistaken For Strangers- The National

The cover looked good enough… so I didn’t even care to read the summary. Not unlike my previous books- we flipped right to the end (climax and all).  This book has taken years to finish. Every time I pick it up I can only get a chapter deep before this villain throws me into a downward spiral. So I place it back on the shelf, but it doesn’t take long for me to blow off the dust and get lost in this emotional rollercoaster some call a best seller.   I’m becoming less and less intrigued by the cover and reading between the lines isn’t as fun as it used to be.

Tegan and Sara – Nineteen

Inhaling your exhale
with a little less passion.

Swiftly touching lips
With a little less movement.

Holding your hand
With a little less spark.

Transitioning into an unknown friendship
Not quite the path I would take, but not far from it.

I’m tired of your fake lines

I dont need to know how good my skin feels against yours

I’m tired of your new outlook on life

It’s beyond hypocritical

Your eyes seemed so cold and empty as you spoke of my faults.

But your words didnt hurt as much as the look in your eye

You banned me from leaving my scent on your sheets

So i left my tears on your pillow

and with memories i’d rather forget…

??

Lines from Journal 2003-2006

 

But…He cried

I mean he really cried this time. He didn’t get out of bed for days. He literally got on his hands and knees and begged for me. He said he would change. He really means it this time; I could see it in his eyes. He even bought me flowers, made me dinner, and told me he loved me. He is really trying. He said he didn’t want to lose me. He said he was just ‘joking’ with the text messages. He didn’t really mean it. Look at all of the poems he wrote for me. He loves me.  

________________________________________________

 

I might be out of place

But woman to woman

Lets be honest..

The poems will only last so long.

Trust me I have a box full of them.

After you get over the shock of tears falling from his face

You will realize they’re only as real as his promises.

Why do I even feel the need to reach out to you?

You have seen first hand him treating someone else the same way.

The secret letters, comments, and texts.

I mean, after all- you were the one receiving them.

 

But despite all the pain and anger this has caused me.

You should know..

There is life after him.

I Hate You

I hate you

For giving me hope that we could make my mothers fairytale lifestyle come true

I hate you

For betraying me for so many years.

I hate you

For saying ‘I love you’ too late.

I hate you

Because when I lost you, I also lost your/my family.

I loved you.

 

I hate you

For choosing her so many times.

I hate you

For making memories with me.

I hate you

For never going away.

I hate you

Because I was never enough

I loved you.

 

I hate

That you weren’t my first true love

I hate

That you weren’t my first sexually

I hate

that they took all of this away from us.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I dont feel it anymore- William Fitzsimmons

Take it all away

All of these memories

Dried up tears

Feelings

Songs

All of it.

 

Im coming back home

But I won’t mend the pieces

There is no room in my heart

We will start over this time

Actually

We won’t even start

We’ve passed the finish line

Out From Under- Britney Spears

Can we fall apart now?

I hope we fall…just like we fell..

If only it would happen that quickly

 

It’s getting easier

My heart didn’t race when I received your text

With every word I read about ‘them’

A little part of me drifts further away

Another piece of my heart goes to her

Soon she’ll have it all.

 

It’s almost been a year since we met

I can remember it so vividly

It’s as if I’m looking down on us

You walked through the kitchen door

I was standing by the sink

My eyes followed your every move

I envied you.

 

You were fighting with her that night

But back then she was just a name

There were no feelings of hatred when she was mentioned

You think by now you would have moved on

You’re so intelligent

But when it comes to her

It’s as if your plan fails every time.

 

Trust me; I know how hard it can be

Trying to fight that feeling…

When her fingertips softly touch your leg

Holding hands while making your way through a crowded room

Sitting at the beach lit only by the moon

 

I hope this time is different

I hope you realize who she really is

Because you’re worth so much more…

Lullaby- Chase Coy

Simple kisses and hand holding

Is all it took

I hate goodbyes

But I would re-live that one any day.